


like the back of my hand

by plinys



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 01:23:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5478068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/pseuds/plinys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is technically Finn has a room of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like the back of my hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [isloremipsumafterall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isloremipsumafterall/gifts).



> For Beej, who is amazing and agreed to do a fic swap with me. I low key combined three of her prompts together to make this, so hopefully she enjoys it~!

It's a not so quiet "Kriff" that wakes him up, blearily opening his eyes at the sight of Poe stumbling and their room - Poe's room technically but Finn spends more than enough time there - trying to get dressed with only the light from his holopad to guide him.

"What are you doing," Finn asks, his voice rough from having just woken up.

At his words Poe freezes, his flight suit half on, torso bare while one leg is caught up in the orange material and the other out. There is a sheepish look on his face when he finally raises his eyes to meet Finn's gaze. "Didn’t mean to wake you, I’m just getting dressed."

Finn means to point out that that much is obvious, but he doesn't get that far because Poe is half dressed just out of bed and his mind seems to short circuit. Such that the only words he can seem to manage are, "I'd much rather you were getting undressed." 

For a second Poe just continues to stare at him, but then he lets out a quiet laugh, a little huff of air, and says, "Force, I love you," as if it is the easiest thing in the world. 

As though that wasn't the very first time the words had been said between them.

Finn's heart seems to beat a little bit faster, and he's no longer as tired as he had been mere moments before. In fact, he's wide awake. Because this is a _big deal_. The very definition of a big deal, especially for Finn. The feeling had been building inside of him for a while, feeling that before leaving the First Order he hadn’t even known how to explain. Sexual attraction he had understood, but love was different. It was a feeling of belonging, a concept that in general was new to Finn.

Poe must realize what he had said a moment later, because the happy look that had been on his face fades at once, and he's tugging his uniform on with renewed speed, his gaze anywhere but Finn.

Finn almost misses his little, "sorry," still in shock from the words that had been said moments before, but he comes back to himself quickly enough after that, just in time to catch the end of Poe’s muttered rant – “can’t keep my kriffing mouth shut.”

"What are you-"

"Look, can we talk about this later," Poe cuts him off with an apologetic "I've got to get in the air, I’ve got drills to run with the red squadron and they’ll give me shit if I show up late again, so I…" Poe trails off, as he grabs his helmet off of the end table. "I'll see you when I get back?"

There's hesitance in Poe's voice.

Who is never hesitant, who leaps first and looks later, who is the bravest pilot the resistance has. 

A hesitant Poe confused Finn, to say the least.

Enough that Finn forgets to come back to himself, forgets that this is the time when he should be saying something, until the doors to the room slide shut and only the empty air is around to hear Finn’s “Fly safe.”

Suddenly he feels unwelcome in Poe’s quarters.

The thing is technically Finn has a room of his own, rooms far bigger and better than the _bunk_ he had had as a trooper.

It is just that the room was on the other side of the base, and at some point he had stopped going back and ended up spending more time in Poe’s room than anywhere else. It had started off with their late night conversations, back when Finn was fresh out of the medbay. They’d sit side by side on Poe’s bed and talk about anything and everything, from going through the lies that the First Order had fed him to which members of Poe’s squadron liked those cheesy holovids. Then when one of those last night conversations had turned silent as one set of lips met another, well… He just ended up staying around.

Now though with the image of Poe all but rushing out of his _own room_ like an unwanted visitor, Finn cannot help himself from feeling guilty.

A feeling that lingers in the back of his head as he gets dressed, rushes through the fresher, and finally makes it down to the control room.

He wasn’t a fighter for the resistance, at least not until the medics gave him one hundred percent clearing to even start getting into shape again, but he still had a purpose. His vast knowledge of the First Order, as having been among their ranks for as long as Finn could remember, had made him a valuable player in the resistance. It meant that he had a job to do, and no time for distractions, if only his brain could get the memo.

“Finn, are you following,” General Organa asks, snapping him back out of his thoughts again.

He shoots her an apologetic look, watching as she carefully sets the padd that she had been working on aside to look at him properly. General Organa is a master at scrutinizing looks, the type that makes you instantly want to spill your secrets. Probably has something to do with the Force, but Finn won’t even bother trying to pretend to understand the way the Force works.

“Late night,” she asks, after she’s looked him over.

Finn shakes his head. “More like early morning.”

“Ah yes, I saw Mr. Dameron this morning getting ready to fly out, he seemed a bit _distracted_.”

He couldn’t keep the guilty look of his face if he had tried. If something happened to Poe, if there was an accident in the field, because he was still upset with Finn… Well, Finn would never forgive himself. The worst part was that he had meant to say it back, he should’ve said it back, but it was all so sudden and then –

“A bit of advice, Finn, from someone who knows more than she likes to let on,” General Organa offers.

“I would be honored.”

She offers him a sad smile at that. “Do not let things go unsaid, not in these trying times, you never know what conversation might be your last.”

It hits Finn at once that she must be speaking from experience, and the irrational urge to hug the general hits him at once. It is only due to great will power that he does not give into the urge, and instead simply nods his head, wringing his hands together in his lap.

“Now, of course, I may be completely off course-“

“You’re not,” Finn tells her, unable to lie about this.

“Then, I hope you’ll heed my advice,” she replies. “Now in the meantime, our pilots aren’t due back in for a few hours yet, and I do need you to look over these blueprints with me.”

“Yes ma’am,” he says, before turning back to the work at hand.

Somehow that brief conversation is enough to keep his thoughts on track, and he’s able to get his job done with enough time to spare such that he ends up in the landing area just before the squadron of X-Wings have returned.

He knows that he made the right decision to go there first, the second they finally land, and he sees Poe pulling off his helmet scanning the area around him with something like hope in his eyes. It’s a look Finn knows well by now, and he catches the moment Poe finally finds him, and starts moving towards him.

Finn meets him half-way, a casual hug that he had gotten so used to wrapping around his shoulders; though where Poe would usually press a kiss to the side of his cheek, he seems to hesitate this time, pulling back a bit quicker than usual.

“Look, I know we need to talk but-“ Poe starts, but Finn doesn’t let him finish, because if Poe starts second guessing things, Finn will just feel guilty all over again.

“I love you.”

For a few heart stopping seconds, neither of them say anything, and then he sees it, the light that suddenly finds its way back into his eyes. Finn had missed that light more than he could even begin to explain.

“I should’ve said it this morning,” Finn continues, “But you caught me off guard.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s just – nobody’s ever loved me before, I never even considered it possible,” Finn admits. “Until you, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop think about you. It got so bad the General actually called me out on it, and well – I’m in love with you.”

Poe’s kissing him then, like their lives depend on it.

Somewhere in the background he hears people letting out obnoxious _whoops_ but all of that seems irrelevant, because Poe’s hands are on his hips, and he’s biting against his lip. And Finn – he’s never felt more loved in his life.

They break apart eventually, in a moment that seems all too soon.

Finn only barely remembering that he actually needs to breath, that is until Poe says, “Well, you already know that I love you too,” and he forgets all over again.


End file.
